Learning to Let Go!

I had the strangest dream last night, woke me up about 4am and was a very upsetting dream. I tend to analyze my dreams as best I can to see where they originated. The best I could come up with at that ungodly hour of the morning was that my dream was about 3 different things.

I'd just read an email yesterday about a Wellness Cruise from Sonia Ricotti in the Mediterranean with many wonderful speakers that I'm familiar with. My dream took place on a cruise ship which I'm not really a fan of, but figured my brain must have been spitting out bits and pieces of my previous day and that's where it originated from.

My late husband, myself, my son and some other family and friends were all getting ready to board the ship. A message came on my husband's phone and the caller ID was "kitten". I didn't know exactly who "kitten" was, but in my mind in my dream, it was a girlfriend he'd been seeing while we still were married. There were many infidelities involved unbeknownst to me until after we separated back in 2000. I assumed in my dream that "kitten" was the most recent girlfriend from back then.

Although in real life, we never did get back together, I was supportive of my husband as he was very emotionally and mentally sick before he passed away by taking his own life. Somehow in my dream, I guess we were giving it another try and were taking this cruise to patch things up. I was furious, hurt, betrayed when I saw the incoming message figuring it was over, but realizing it obviously wasn't.

I got very upset and refused to get on the ship and ended up hailing a cab to take my luggage and me away. Everyone was pleading with me to just get past it, to just come on the cruise and have a good time. I was so upset I just couldn't see my way clear, I felt stupid that once again I'd been duped. I recall thinking I can't leave my son and everyone else wondering what happened, but was just in too much pain to deal with explaining it and jumped into the cab and left.

I questioned whether I was acting rationally and second guessed my decision as we pulled away, but knew there was no way I could have gone on the trip pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. I was suprised at how much hostility I felt toward the girlfriend in my dream because in real life, I wasn't blaming her so much, I blamed my husband who is the one who had the commitment with me. She owed me nothing, he did.

I recall in the dream that I said out loud "I just need to make the decision to let this go!". I knew even in my dream that I could stop the painful memories flooding forth by simply making that statement. It worked quite well actually, I was awake now and the feelings of upset were subsiding. My body felt less tense, less hyper, less stressed.

"Letting go" is a term I've heard many times, have not obviously yet mastered, and had a man come across my path recently who says he is able to do just that, to teach me how to let go and have inner peace. I figured this too is where this thought or portion of my dream came from as well. I woke up at this point, was very upset and exhausted, all the old memories from 9 years ago were still very fresh. I was surprised that this was resurrecting itself again, figured that I'd done all my getting past this ages ago, but I felt all those same emotions almost as strongly as I did when they happened in real life.

I realized that by my stating out loud that I had to let this go, that I was somehow ready to do this now. By letting go, I also let go of all the pain, anguish and upset that my emotions cause me to feel. I also realized, I really need to work on this, I really need to master the art of letting go and maybe this is why this man has come into my life.

So as I recalled this morning "make a decision to let go", it started me wondering exactly what does that mean and how do I do it? I do want to learn how, not just mentally, but in every aspect of my being. I want to master doing this with everything in my life that doesn't serve me well and makes me feel sad, hurt, upset - all those lower level draining energies.

How do I tell my subconcious mind to just stop having that thought? I can say it out loud and lay claim to it, but it's far deeper than that I believe. Maybe this is the final part of my journey exploring why this all happened, what I'm supposed to learn from it and more importantly, how do I impart it to help others.

Our memories are very powerful and surface when you least expect it. Our brains are just simply fascinating! I always pay attention when I can recall a dream so vividly, it doesn't happen often to me. It seems as though a message was meant to truly get through to me and I need to pay attention to what the lesson is.