Sept. 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and I wanted to do a specific post to honour this most worthy of causes. I'm a fan of the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) on Facebook who in official relations with the World Health Organization (WHO) have put this event together and it's worldwide.
I lost my husband, Rob Dec. 2000 and I can tell you it really does change everything. I was with him almost 30 years, had my whole life wrapped up with him both personally and we also shared a business together. I had no idea that things would turn out this way as he really only started falling apart in mid 2000 after we'd separated but continued working together. Our son was only 9 at the time of his passing, still believed in Santa somewhat but was aware his Dad had committed suicide - pretty strange for sure!
There was so much to do initially that it kept me quite busy, preparing for a memorial service, all the paperwork involved with a death, dealing with police and the coroner because he died on board our boat - it was quite a disaster. This all happened right at Christmas 2000, Rob died either on the 24th or early on the 25th but was not discovered until the 27th. I've done a very extensive blog with my story on Wordpress and go into much more detail as to what was going on before, during and after and if you're so inclined it's www.AllUCanbe.wordpress.com.
What I realized very quickly is that most people are totally freaked out by the term "suicide". It didn't bother me, but I was sensitive enough to read others' body language and quickly learned to say "unfortunately he took his own life" to soften the blow. I had no real prior personal experience with suicide, but knew I'd not had many conversations around the topic either. My family and Rob's family were absolutely shocked even though Rob had been severely depressed for a while and had attempted a few times in Dec. 2000. Even though you're aware attempts have been made, somehow you don't really absorb the severity of it until it is completed and final.
People offered condolences, there was an air of disbelief for those who knew Rob well, they simply couldn't believe he was gone or that he'd end his own life. Many were not aware of how emotionally unstable he'd become, but I was and after his first attempt with a firearm on Dec. 6th, he was institutionalized for several days and was then diagnosed bi-polar. I knew it as manic/depressive but the correct term or most accepted term is bi-polar. This explained so much when I learned the symptoms, the huge mood swings, compulsive buying, promiscuity and much of it because they're trying to recreate that "high" they get when they're manic, but it never can be recreated.
I have learned much since then, learned a lot about bi-polarism, mental health illnesses, institutions, treatments and so forth. There is still huge stigma attached not only to suicide, but also to mental illnesses of any sort. It's such a shame as those who truly need the help are afraid to reach out for fear of being judged, labelled or even ridiculed. Those who take their own lives are in absolute turmoil and unbelievable pain to such an extent that they believe suicide is the only way out. This just makes me so sad to think how much they suffer and what they go through to come to this conclusion. The expression - Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - is something I shared with Rob, told him we'd get through this, that I'd help him, but he just couldn't hold on.
The grieving process for those left behind, suicide survivors is very different than normal grieving. The stigma affects not only those suffering with mental illness, it also extends to the devasted loved ones left behind. The support group whether it be family or friends is usually not comfortable discussing suicide, they'd really rather not discuss it and often times say the wrong thing or even worse - just avoid it altogether - like it never happened.
It is my passion since then to do whatever I can to help bring suicide out of the darkness, to have open dialogue about it and thereby reduce the stigma attached to it all. Along the way, I'm meeting some incredibly strong, resilient, amazing people who have been impacted by suicide. It is a bond that cannot be explained other than to those who have experienced it. We all have different stories, but the commonality of sharing a loss by suicide brings us all together.
The IASP does tremendous work in this area, they are dedicated to preventing suicidal behaviour, alleviating its effects and providing a forum for academics, mental health professionals, crisis workers, volunteers and suicide survivors. Suicide claims approximately 1 million people a year worldwide, or 1 every 40 seconds according to WHO. They say for every 1 suicide that is successful, there are 20 that are not and when you do the math - that's 21 million people per year attempting to and succeeding in ending their lives. On average 4-6 people are directly impacted being friends or family and once again doing the math - that's 126 million people worldwide are impacted by suicide - don't know about you - but for me those are absolutely shocking statistics!
I would ask you to take a moment Sept. 10th at 8pm to light a candle near a window to honour those who have been lost to suicide and for all those still contemplating it. Remember the loved ones left behind, often in complete and utter devastation and unable most times to get any real answers. My heart goes out to each and every one!
Suicide is everyone's concern, it's on the rise in our youth and our elderly. With the present economy being what it is, stress and depression increases and suicide rates increase as well. We can all make a difference, we can reduce the stigma, increase awareness and educate on what to look for and most importantly, save lives.
Here is the IASP link for activites worldwide: www.iasp.info/wspd/2010_wspd_activities.php
Here is the IASP website: www.iasp.info
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Tribute to my Stepdad and Mom
Today I called my Mom as I always do each morning. We had our usual chat, then she told me when she got up this morning she felt down and that it was the 6 year anniversary of her husband, my stepdad's passing. She said she misses him terribly and thinks of him still almost every day.
She said she wasn't feeling up to going to exercise class, but that she might join the others for coffee after the class or go down for Happy Hour today. I told her it was very self aware that she recognized how she was feeling and why, and more importantly - that she's choosing to take steps to elevate her mood.
My Mom is 80, I talk to her often about positive thinking and using tools to get yourself out of a funk. I was thrilled she had come up with this on her own. We don't always see eye to eye on things as she comes from an entirely different era, but I was so pleased she knew to do something social for herself today, which isn't her norm.
We talked about my stepdad, what a great guy he was, how much of a friend he was to her and that you never forget the memories you had with someone you spent a great deal of time with and loved. It's natural to miss those who have departed, and I suggested she also take time today to remember all the good times with him and not only that he passed away.
My stepdad was more of a father to me than my biological father who passed away when I was about 14. He was always very supportive of me even when he didn't agree with what I was doing. He treated me like his daughter, and I was always so thankful my Mom met him and they had many good years together.
My stepdad passed from cancer and he had a very rough time of it in the end. He handled the cancer with such dignity and grace, didn't complain much at all even though he was suffering. I remember visiting him just a short while before he passed away. He wasn't able to keep food down so was pretty much on liquids and even that sometimes didn't sit well. I'd just arrived for my visit with my Mom and he had to throw up.
I held the basin for him, there was no embarrassment, I was glad to be able to help. Afterwards he told me "this dying sucks" and that's pretty much the only time I heard him say anything like that. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to be able to say that to me, and I felt such compassion and love for him at that time.
My brother, my step-sister, my Mom and I all went to visit him the day before he passed. He was not awake anymore, was quite heavily sedated for the pain, but a wonderful nurse came into his room and said, just talk to him, tell him what you want to say and tell him it's okay for him to go. My step-sister seemed quite upset by this at first, but she too took her turn. I thought it was lovely and always felt that even though they weren't alert and coherent, they can still hear and that it would be comforting to him.
We all took turns talking to him, told him our thoughts, told him we loved him and that it was okay if he wanted to go now. It was highly emotional, but felt right. That night, my Mom decided to stay over in his hospital room on a cot, something she'd never done. We were worried she wouldn't get a proper night's sleep as she hadn't been sleeping well, but we didn't argue and she stayed. It was almost like she had an intution about it, as he passed away that very night. She awoke to not hearing him breathe, got up to check him and realized he was gone. He'd gone very peacefully and when I got the call early the next morning, I truly felt he'd been hanging on for all of us and after hearing we all said it's okay to go, he had.
I talked to my Mom today about the strange things people say thinking they're helping, like just don't dwell on it, or it's been 6 years time to let it go, etc. I told her it's perfectly natural to remember someone who had such a huge influence on your life and that it's okay to grieve and miss them, but to also remember all the wonderful times too. She said she still often thinks of her own father and he's been gone since she was 13 or so. I told her he too had huge impact on her life and had taught her well. Our memories keep them alive for us.
I know my Mom is very lonely and misses her best friend and partner. I am forever thankful she got a second chance at marriage and had a good one. I also know it's very hard on the elderly, my Mom feels a bit like there's not much purpose in life since my stepdad passed away, but she's a survivor and is doing the best she can to move forward and create a new life without him. For that I admire her.
In closing, I miss my stepdad too, he was someone you could really count on for anything. Advice, support or just a willing ear to listen and bounce things off of. He never judged me, would offer his opinion, but didn't get upset if I didn't heed his advice. I remember him fondly and with love, and am thankful he was in my life and am thinking of and celebrating him today.
She said she wasn't feeling up to going to exercise class, but that she might join the others for coffee after the class or go down for Happy Hour today. I told her it was very self aware that she recognized how she was feeling and why, and more importantly - that she's choosing to take steps to elevate her mood.
My Mom is 80, I talk to her often about positive thinking and using tools to get yourself out of a funk. I was thrilled she had come up with this on her own. We don't always see eye to eye on things as she comes from an entirely different era, but I was so pleased she knew to do something social for herself today, which isn't her norm.
We talked about my stepdad, what a great guy he was, how much of a friend he was to her and that you never forget the memories you had with someone you spent a great deal of time with and loved. It's natural to miss those who have departed, and I suggested she also take time today to remember all the good times with him and not only that he passed away.
My stepdad was more of a father to me than my biological father who passed away when I was about 14. He was always very supportive of me even when he didn't agree with what I was doing. He treated me like his daughter, and I was always so thankful my Mom met him and they had many good years together.
My stepdad passed from cancer and he had a very rough time of it in the end. He handled the cancer with such dignity and grace, didn't complain much at all even though he was suffering. I remember visiting him just a short while before he passed away. He wasn't able to keep food down so was pretty much on liquids and even that sometimes didn't sit well. I'd just arrived for my visit with my Mom and he had to throw up.
I held the basin for him, there was no embarrassment, I was glad to be able to help. Afterwards he told me "this dying sucks" and that's pretty much the only time I heard him say anything like that. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to be able to say that to me, and I felt such compassion and love for him at that time.
My brother, my step-sister, my Mom and I all went to visit him the day before he passed. He was not awake anymore, was quite heavily sedated for the pain, but a wonderful nurse came into his room and said, just talk to him, tell him what you want to say and tell him it's okay for him to go. My step-sister seemed quite upset by this at first, but she too took her turn. I thought it was lovely and always felt that even though they weren't alert and coherent, they can still hear and that it would be comforting to him.
We all took turns talking to him, told him our thoughts, told him we loved him and that it was okay if he wanted to go now. It was highly emotional, but felt right. That night, my Mom decided to stay over in his hospital room on a cot, something she'd never done. We were worried she wouldn't get a proper night's sleep as she hadn't been sleeping well, but we didn't argue and she stayed. It was almost like she had an intution about it, as he passed away that very night. She awoke to not hearing him breathe, got up to check him and realized he was gone. He'd gone very peacefully and when I got the call early the next morning, I truly felt he'd been hanging on for all of us and after hearing we all said it's okay to go, he had.
I talked to my Mom today about the strange things people say thinking they're helping, like just don't dwell on it, or it's been 6 years time to let it go, etc. I told her it's perfectly natural to remember someone who had such a huge influence on your life and that it's okay to grieve and miss them, but to also remember all the wonderful times too. She said she still often thinks of her own father and he's been gone since she was 13 or so. I told her he too had huge impact on her life and had taught her well. Our memories keep them alive for us.
I know my Mom is very lonely and misses her best friend and partner. I am forever thankful she got a second chance at marriage and had a good one. I also know it's very hard on the elderly, my Mom feels a bit like there's not much purpose in life since my stepdad passed away, but she's a survivor and is doing the best she can to move forward and create a new life without him. For that I admire her.
In closing, I miss my stepdad too, he was someone you could really count on for anything. Advice, support or just a willing ear to listen and bounce things off of. He never judged me, would offer his opinion, but didn't get upset if I didn't heed his advice. I remember him fondly and with love, and am thankful he was in my life and am thinking of and celebrating him today.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Do You Take the Time to Tell Them you Care?
The thought came to me recently that I don't always tell someone I care about that I do on a regular basis. Take my Mom for example. I talk to her twice a day every day just to check in and see how she's doing. She's a remarkable woman, 3 time cancer survivor and is still recovering from her last bout with mouth cancer at 80. It took its toll on her and she seems a little down with life lately, so I make it a point to connect each day, and see her in person at least once a week.
What I realized is that when she was battling her various cancers, I always ended each conversation or departure with "I Love You", or just "Love You!". Now that she's over the hurdle, I noticed that I don't say that as much so that got me to wondering why. My thoughts are that when I realized I may lose her to any of these 3 cancer illnesses, it made me very aware that I did love her very much and couldn't envision my life without her in it, even though I know eventually she will not be alive.
When the high drama of cancer was present, the acute awareness was more developed and I made sure on every opportunity that I told her I loved her. Now that the risk is not as high, I slacked off and don't tell her as often. We never were a mushy, gushy emotionally expressive pair, but when I heard her say to me just the other night "Love You", I immediately responded with "yes I love you too Mom" and it felt so good to be able to say it.
Now that I had this thought about it, I will make it a point to go right back to expressing it every chance I get. I also make a point to tell her how strong she is, that she's a 3 time survivor and that she needs to give herself more credit than she does. I think it embarrasses her a bit, but I just know she loves to hear it, who wouldn't?
So my challenge to you is, tell someone you really care about how you feel about them today! Don't wait for an appropriate time, just do it today. Words have such a remarkable impact!
What I realized is that when she was battling her various cancers, I always ended each conversation or departure with "I Love You", or just "Love You!". Now that she's over the hurdle, I noticed that I don't say that as much so that got me to wondering why. My thoughts are that when I realized I may lose her to any of these 3 cancer illnesses, it made me very aware that I did love her very much and couldn't envision my life without her in it, even though I know eventually she will not be alive.
When the high drama of cancer was present, the acute awareness was more developed and I made sure on every opportunity that I told her I loved her. Now that the risk is not as high, I slacked off and don't tell her as often. We never were a mushy, gushy emotionally expressive pair, but when I heard her say to me just the other night "Love You", I immediately responded with "yes I love you too Mom" and it felt so good to be able to say it.
Now that I had this thought about it, I will make it a point to go right back to expressing it every chance I get. I also make a point to tell her how strong she is, that she's a 3 time survivor and that she needs to give herself more credit than she does. I think it embarrasses her a bit, but I just know she loves to hear it, who wouldn't?
So my challenge to you is, tell someone you really care about how you feel about them today! Don't wait for an appropriate time, just do it today. Words have such a remarkable impact!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Learning to Let Go!
I had the strangest dream last night, woke me up about 4am and was a very upsetting dream. I tend to analyze my dreams as best I can to see where they originated. The best I could come up with at that ungodly hour of the morning was that my dream was about 3 different things.
I'd just read an email yesterday about a Wellness Cruise from Sonia Ricotti in the Mediterranean with many wonderful speakers that I'm familiar with. My dream took place on a cruise ship which I'm not really a fan of, but figured my brain must have been spitting out bits and pieces of my previous day and that's where it originated from.
My late husband, myself, my son and some other family and friends were all getting ready to board the ship. A message came on my husband's phone and the caller ID was "kitten". I didn't know exactly who "kitten" was, but in my mind in my dream, it was a girlfriend he'd been seeing while we still were married. There were many infidelities involved unbeknownst to me until after we separated back in 2000. I assumed in my dream that "kitten" was the most recent girlfriend from back then.
Although in real life, we never did get back together, I was supportive of my husband as he was very emotionally and mentally sick before he passed away by taking his own life. Somehow in my dream, I guess we were giving it another try and were taking this cruise to patch things up. I was furious, hurt, betrayed when I saw the incoming message figuring it was over, but realizing it obviously wasn't.
I got very upset and refused to get on the ship and ended up hailing a cab to take my luggage and me away. Everyone was pleading with me to just get past it, to just come on the cruise and have a good time. I was so upset I just couldn't see my way clear, I felt stupid that once again I'd been duped. I recall thinking I can't leave my son and everyone else wondering what happened, but was just in too much pain to deal with explaining it and jumped into the cab and left.
I questioned whether I was acting rationally and second guessed my decision as we pulled away, but knew there was no way I could have gone on the trip pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. I was suprised at how much hostility I felt toward the girlfriend in my dream because in real life, I wasn't blaming her so much, I blamed my husband who is the one who had the commitment with me. She owed me nothing, he did.
I recall in the dream that I said out loud "I just need to make the decision to let this go!". I knew even in my dream that I could stop the painful memories flooding forth by simply making that statement. It worked quite well actually, I was awake now and the feelings of upset were subsiding. My body felt less tense, less hyper, less stressed.
"Letting go" is a term I've heard many times, have not obviously yet mastered, and had a man come across my path recently who says he is able to do just that, to teach me how to let go and have inner peace. I figured this too is where this thought or portion of my dream came from as well. I woke up at this point, was very upset and exhausted, all the old memories from 9 years ago were still very fresh. I was surprised that this was resurrecting itself again, figured that I'd done all my getting past this ages ago, but I felt all those same emotions almost as strongly as I did when they happened in real life.
I realized that by my stating out loud that I had to let this go, that I was somehow ready to do this now. By letting go, I also let go of all the pain, anguish and upset that my emotions cause me to feel. I also realized, I really need to work on this, I really need to master the art of letting go and maybe this is why this man has come into my life.
So as I recalled this morning "make a decision to let go", it started me wondering exactly what does that mean and how do I do it? I do want to learn how, not just mentally, but in every aspect of my being. I want to master doing this with everything in my life that doesn't serve me well and makes me feel sad, hurt, upset - all those lower level draining energies.
How do I tell my subconcious mind to just stop having that thought? I can say it out loud and lay claim to it, but it's far deeper than that I believe. Maybe this is the final part of my journey exploring why this all happened, what I'm supposed to learn from it and more importantly, how do I impart it to help others.
Our memories are very powerful and surface when you least expect it. Our brains are just simply fascinating! I always pay attention when I can recall a dream so vividly, it doesn't happen often to me. It seems as though a message was meant to truly get through to me and I need to pay attention to what the lesson is.
I'd just read an email yesterday about a Wellness Cruise from Sonia Ricotti in the Mediterranean with many wonderful speakers that I'm familiar with. My dream took place on a cruise ship which I'm not really a fan of, but figured my brain must have been spitting out bits and pieces of my previous day and that's where it originated from.
My late husband, myself, my son and some other family and friends were all getting ready to board the ship. A message came on my husband's phone and the caller ID was "kitten". I didn't know exactly who "kitten" was, but in my mind in my dream, it was a girlfriend he'd been seeing while we still were married. There were many infidelities involved unbeknownst to me until after we separated back in 2000. I assumed in my dream that "kitten" was the most recent girlfriend from back then.
Although in real life, we never did get back together, I was supportive of my husband as he was very emotionally and mentally sick before he passed away by taking his own life. Somehow in my dream, I guess we were giving it another try and were taking this cruise to patch things up. I was furious, hurt, betrayed when I saw the incoming message figuring it was over, but realizing it obviously wasn't.
I got very upset and refused to get on the ship and ended up hailing a cab to take my luggage and me away. Everyone was pleading with me to just get past it, to just come on the cruise and have a good time. I was so upset I just couldn't see my way clear, I felt stupid that once again I'd been duped. I recall thinking I can't leave my son and everyone else wondering what happened, but was just in too much pain to deal with explaining it and jumped into the cab and left.
I questioned whether I was acting rationally and second guessed my decision as we pulled away, but knew there was no way I could have gone on the trip pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. I was suprised at how much hostility I felt toward the girlfriend in my dream because in real life, I wasn't blaming her so much, I blamed my husband who is the one who had the commitment with me. She owed me nothing, he did.
I recall in the dream that I said out loud "I just need to make the decision to let this go!". I knew even in my dream that I could stop the painful memories flooding forth by simply making that statement. It worked quite well actually, I was awake now and the feelings of upset were subsiding. My body felt less tense, less hyper, less stressed.
"Letting go" is a term I've heard many times, have not obviously yet mastered, and had a man come across my path recently who says he is able to do just that, to teach me how to let go and have inner peace. I figured this too is where this thought or portion of my dream came from as well. I woke up at this point, was very upset and exhausted, all the old memories from 9 years ago were still very fresh. I was surprised that this was resurrecting itself again, figured that I'd done all my getting past this ages ago, but I felt all those same emotions almost as strongly as I did when they happened in real life.
I realized that by my stating out loud that I had to let this go, that I was somehow ready to do this now. By letting go, I also let go of all the pain, anguish and upset that my emotions cause me to feel. I also realized, I really need to work on this, I really need to master the art of letting go and maybe this is why this man has come into my life.
So as I recalled this morning "make a decision to let go", it started me wondering exactly what does that mean and how do I do it? I do want to learn how, not just mentally, but in every aspect of my being. I want to master doing this with everything in my life that doesn't serve me well and makes me feel sad, hurt, upset - all those lower level draining energies.
How do I tell my subconcious mind to just stop having that thought? I can say it out loud and lay claim to it, but it's far deeper than that I believe. Maybe this is the final part of my journey exploring why this all happened, what I'm supposed to learn from it and more importantly, how do I impart it to help others.
Our memories are very powerful and surface when you least expect it. Our brains are just simply fascinating! I always pay attention when I can recall a dream so vividly, it doesn't happen often to me. It seems as though a message was meant to truly get through to me and I need to pay attention to what the lesson is.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Everyone's a Guru - Who to Follow?
I just finished watching a half hour video on someone recommended by another I am on an email list for. It's all great information, it all sounds wonderful, had tons of information provided in the training, almost to the point of overwhelm. My question is - who truly is a Guru and how do you know which one to follow?
I've followed many, have taken courses or seminars/conferences with some and they all add value and input, but how do you know you've found the "one" that will give you what you want or need? I tend to go with my gut instinct, whether I feel a connection to them, something they've said or how they present.
I sometimes feel like I've become a teleseminar junkie, or professional student and could literally be listening to someone or reading something from them many hours a day. Problem with that is, it leaves little time to do what you really need to do, and in that case - it's my business, the creation of it, promotion of it and making income from it.
I love learning, always have, always will - but I sometimes feel exhausted and burned out too. I need to learn to strike a balance and chunk out certain times for following up on what I want to know more about, actually book time out in my calendar for these activities to make better, consistent use of my time on a daily basis. Many of these calls or programs are time senstive, it's a marketing strategy and it makes you feel as though you're going to "miss out" if you don't attend.
At the beginning of 2010 I vowed to select just a few of those I want to follow, stop getting sidetracked with more and more, I did pretty well initially, but seems as of late - I'm right back at it lol! Some because I've previously attended their teleseminars, they always offer great tips, and occasionally it brings them back on my radar again because it's a subject that has previously interested me and I've not learned enough so want to explore it further.
So what really denotes "Guru"? Is it because they say they are a Guru or Expert? Is is because they have tons of testimonials saying how much their lives have changed as a direct result of working with this "Guru"? Is it because they've got tons of followers on Twitter, Facebook or any other social site?
My experience has been that unless you interact directly with them, either by signing up for a course or conference, you have no real way to know until you've paid and are in it experiencing it first hand. This can tend to get rather expensive, and although I've never regretted one single event I've attended, I do realize none of them have given me what I need at the time. That being a clear, concise decision on what to next do for a business that brings me joy and passion, helps others get past their hurdles that have kept them stuck and make a great income.
I guess it's all a journey of self discovery and that's how I look at it. I've learned something from each and every one of them, and even though I have not yet been able to use everything I've learned, I do know for a fact that once I get clear, much of what I've learned so far will be able to be applied and used in my new business.
I've already begun to come up with my own course ideas, just the first 2 steps, but both of these steps were a direct result of learning with 2 or 3 I've followed for quite some time and attended events/courses with. It's all good and I feel I'm on this very long journey to learn my life purpose and be able to share my gift with the world.
Just wondering if any others feel a bit overwhelmed or scattered from the process of finding out who the right coach/mentor is for them? Do you feel a coach/mentor is essential in your growth? Would love feedback!
I've followed many, have taken courses or seminars/conferences with some and they all add value and input, but how do you know you've found the "one" that will give you what you want or need? I tend to go with my gut instinct, whether I feel a connection to them, something they've said or how they present.
I sometimes feel like I've become a teleseminar junkie, or professional student and could literally be listening to someone or reading something from them many hours a day. Problem with that is, it leaves little time to do what you really need to do, and in that case - it's my business, the creation of it, promotion of it and making income from it.
I love learning, always have, always will - but I sometimes feel exhausted and burned out too. I need to learn to strike a balance and chunk out certain times for following up on what I want to know more about, actually book time out in my calendar for these activities to make better, consistent use of my time on a daily basis. Many of these calls or programs are time senstive, it's a marketing strategy and it makes you feel as though you're going to "miss out" if you don't attend.
At the beginning of 2010 I vowed to select just a few of those I want to follow, stop getting sidetracked with more and more, I did pretty well initially, but seems as of late - I'm right back at it lol! Some because I've previously attended their teleseminars, they always offer great tips, and occasionally it brings them back on my radar again because it's a subject that has previously interested me and I've not learned enough so want to explore it further.
So what really denotes "Guru"? Is it because they say they are a Guru or Expert? Is is because they have tons of testimonials saying how much their lives have changed as a direct result of working with this "Guru"? Is it because they've got tons of followers on Twitter, Facebook or any other social site?
My experience has been that unless you interact directly with them, either by signing up for a course or conference, you have no real way to know until you've paid and are in it experiencing it first hand. This can tend to get rather expensive, and although I've never regretted one single event I've attended, I do realize none of them have given me what I need at the time. That being a clear, concise decision on what to next do for a business that brings me joy and passion, helps others get past their hurdles that have kept them stuck and make a great income.
I guess it's all a journey of self discovery and that's how I look at it. I've learned something from each and every one of them, and even though I have not yet been able to use everything I've learned, I do know for a fact that once I get clear, much of what I've learned so far will be able to be applied and used in my new business.
I've already begun to come up with my own course ideas, just the first 2 steps, but both of these steps were a direct result of learning with 2 or 3 I've followed for quite some time and attended events/courses with. It's all good and I feel I'm on this very long journey to learn my life purpose and be able to share my gift with the world.
Just wondering if any others feel a bit overwhelmed or scattered from the process of finding out who the right coach/mentor is for them? Do you feel a coach/mentor is essential in your growth? Would love feedback!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Tragedy of Suicide
I have not blogged for ages on here, but today felt compelled to. The recent news of Marie Osmond's 18 year old son Michael taking his young life touched me deeply. I too have an 18 year old son, can't envision losing him at all, never mind by his own hand. My heart just broke for Marie when I heard her son was gone and my thoughts immediately went back to my own loss of my husband by suicide too. I'm not one to contact celebrities, but did find a site for Marie and sent my heartfelt condolences.
I read some statistics a long time ago that about 50% of our population experiences some kind of mental health issue, to me that was a shocking statistic, but somehow not surprising. When you consider the stresses of everyday life, how so much of the family connections have broken down over the years, how everyone is so into what's in it for me that seems prevalent today, support networks have become less important I feel and lead to many feeling they truly are all alone in the world, with no one to turn to.
The word "suicide" still has such a negative stigma attached to it even in this day of talking so openly about so many subjects that were once considered taboo. I am very aware of people's body language, so quickly learned when discussing what my husband had done, to soften it by saying he unfortunately took his own life and that seemed to be more easily accepted.
The stigma is there because people don't openly discuss what is an all too common occurence, it's like the big white elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. What I found was that many I spoke to had been impacted by someone they knew who had committed suicide, and with all, it brought great emotion to the forefront for them when they relayed their experiences.
For me, it's been many years, but it brings up great sadness and loss for me still to this day. For a long time I wondered if there was more I could have done to prevent this from happening. After much self work, I've come to realize that there is very little anyone can truly do if someone is determined to take their own life, unless they want the help and are prepared to do whatever it takes to treat the issues causing this.
I try very hard to put myself in other's shoes to feel what they're experiencing and have always been able to do this, however, when it came to suicide I just could not. I have had many troubling dark days, but can quite honestly say there has never been anything bad enough to make me not want to wake up and see another day. I logically can understand why they come to the conclusion that the only way out is to take their life, but emotionally I just can't get there myself and that makes it all the more difficult to fully understand.
There are many medical reasons for the various mental health illnesses, each one just as unique as the person themselves. There are so many factors and often times, more than one medical issue going on that results in suicide as well. My own experiences were that our Canadian health care system in the mental health area was greatly lacking.
At one point in the last few days of my late husband's life, I contacted the Suicide Prevention Hotline and they came out to my home where my husband waited for them. They arrived, it was two fairly young counsellors, they spoke in very soft, whispery voices and spoke to him almost as if he was a child.
This infuriated me and was in fact not helping my husband at all, so eventually I just couldn't stand it anymore and told them my husband was a highly intelligent individual who was severely depressed, that them speaking to him like a child was absolutely not helping and that I just could see this was a waste of time and asked them to leave.
I was so disappointed that this was who they'd send out to a person thinking of taking their own life and could only wonder what an individual with no advocate would do with this baby talk approach.
I did get my husband an appointment with my own doctor, she had never seen him before but let him come immediately and did prescribe anti-depressants which he did fill and take, but unfortunately, the meds take quite a while to kick in, I was told about 10 days to 2 weeks, and he was gone about 3 days later. All of this happened right around Christmas time too which was a very bad time of year staff wise, most places were operating on skeletal staff or shut down already.
When I discovered he had succeeded finally in taking his life, there was a very mixed feeling for me. My actual comment was "It's over". Some may think that's not the most compassionate thing to say, but for me it was twofold. This had been going on for quite some time, I had fought a good battle trying to convince him to stay alive and work through this, but I also saw just how much pain and turmoil he was in. So my comment was one of relief for both me and for him to not be suffering anymore.
There were several attempts with my husband over a one month timespan, he tried many ways many times and we discussed all of these in great detail afterwards. I was appalled to be having these kinds of conversations, but at the same time wanted to learn what he was thinking and more importantly, what it was that stopped him.
He told me the picture of our son's face came to him as he was doing all of this and that he just couldn't bring himself to follow through knowing how that would impact our son. I locked onto that and told him that was good, to envision our son's face every single time he was having these thoughts to keep him focused on not taking his life.
Unfortunately, in the end, I guess it just wasn't enough, and he was in such pain and turmoil that he felt everyone including him was better off with him gone. Such a sad statement, but it was one he told me of. I tried to envision laying down to wait to die and just couldn't imagine doing that, but at the same time I also imagined how sad he must have felt as all this was happening. For him it was a non-violent way he chose, but for those of us left behind, we had no answers.
I was changed forever over this tragedy, and although I'm an exceptionally strong woman, it affected me to the very core of my being. I had spent 30 years with this man, and could never ever have anticipated it ending like this. Initially I was in "go mode" getting things done that needed to be dealt with which kept me preoccupied, but eventually I had to go there and really think about what had transpired.
Having to tell my son who was just 9 1/2 at the time was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but somehow I was able to to do that. I continued on for quite some time with our business that we shared, but that too eventually had to be closed down.
Was a very trying time for me, full of much emotion but it caused me to start a journey of self development that has become a lifelong love of mine. I'm one to always look for the silver lining in anything that happens in my life, it took a very long time on this one, but I did come up with a few.
Today I am looking forward to creating a new business around my experiences, what I learned from all of this so that I may share my message with others who are stuck in life from a traumatic life experience. I have wanted to write a book for so long, a memoir more or less and have begun to do that now too.
I felt so compelled when all this happened to look clearly as to why it had happened, and why I had been put on this wonderful planet we call Earth. What I've decided is that everything happens for a reason, and my reason is so that I may move forward from this life altering experience and help others do the same, to discover who they really are and what wonderful gifts they have to share with the world. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life purpose is to help others get past their gap, and can't think of a more rewarding experience!
If you know someone who is experiencing depression or other mental health issues, please reach out to them. Hug them, tell them you love them and encourage them to get the help they need. A myth for many is that those who talk about or attempt suicide are not serious about it, that they're just doing it for attention. This is so NOT the truth, it is ALWAYS a cry for help, and never to be ignored. Remember that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem.
I thank you for taking the time to read this emotional post of mine, and I hope that it touches you so that you can be compassionate and help someone you know who is going through troubled times.
I'm blogging in much more detail on this life changing experience dealing with the loss of my husband to suicide on Wordpress. If you're inclined you can read it at: www.AllUCanBe.wordpress.com.
I read some statistics a long time ago that about 50% of our population experiences some kind of mental health issue, to me that was a shocking statistic, but somehow not surprising. When you consider the stresses of everyday life, how so much of the family connections have broken down over the years, how everyone is so into what's in it for me that seems prevalent today, support networks have become less important I feel and lead to many feeling they truly are all alone in the world, with no one to turn to.
The word "suicide" still has such a negative stigma attached to it even in this day of talking so openly about so many subjects that were once considered taboo. I am very aware of people's body language, so quickly learned when discussing what my husband had done, to soften it by saying he unfortunately took his own life and that seemed to be more easily accepted.
The stigma is there because people don't openly discuss what is an all too common occurence, it's like the big white elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. What I found was that many I spoke to had been impacted by someone they knew who had committed suicide, and with all, it brought great emotion to the forefront for them when they relayed their experiences.
For me, it's been many years, but it brings up great sadness and loss for me still to this day. For a long time I wondered if there was more I could have done to prevent this from happening. After much self work, I've come to realize that there is very little anyone can truly do if someone is determined to take their own life, unless they want the help and are prepared to do whatever it takes to treat the issues causing this.
I try very hard to put myself in other's shoes to feel what they're experiencing and have always been able to do this, however, when it came to suicide I just could not. I have had many troubling dark days, but can quite honestly say there has never been anything bad enough to make me not want to wake up and see another day. I logically can understand why they come to the conclusion that the only way out is to take their life, but emotionally I just can't get there myself and that makes it all the more difficult to fully understand.
There are many medical reasons for the various mental health illnesses, each one just as unique as the person themselves. There are so many factors and often times, more than one medical issue going on that results in suicide as well. My own experiences were that our Canadian health care system in the mental health area was greatly lacking.
At one point in the last few days of my late husband's life, I contacted the Suicide Prevention Hotline and they came out to my home where my husband waited for them. They arrived, it was two fairly young counsellors, they spoke in very soft, whispery voices and spoke to him almost as if he was a child.
This infuriated me and was in fact not helping my husband at all, so eventually I just couldn't stand it anymore and told them my husband was a highly intelligent individual who was severely depressed, that them speaking to him like a child was absolutely not helping and that I just could see this was a waste of time and asked them to leave.
I was so disappointed that this was who they'd send out to a person thinking of taking their own life and could only wonder what an individual with no advocate would do with this baby talk approach.
I did get my husband an appointment with my own doctor, she had never seen him before but let him come immediately and did prescribe anti-depressants which he did fill and take, but unfortunately, the meds take quite a while to kick in, I was told about 10 days to 2 weeks, and he was gone about 3 days later. All of this happened right around Christmas time too which was a very bad time of year staff wise, most places were operating on skeletal staff or shut down already.
When I discovered he had succeeded finally in taking his life, there was a very mixed feeling for me. My actual comment was "It's over". Some may think that's not the most compassionate thing to say, but for me it was twofold. This had been going on for quite some time, I had fought a good battle trying to convince him to stay alive and work through this, but I also saw just how much pain and turmoil he was in. So my comment was one of relief for both me and for him to not be suffering anymore.
There were several attempts with my husband over a one month timespan, he tried many ways many times and we discussed all of these in great detail afterwards. I was appalled to be having these kinds of conversations, but at the same time wanted to learn what he was thinking and more importantly, what it was that stopped him.
He told me the picture of our son's face came to him as he was doing all of this and that he just couldn't bring himself to follow through knowing how that would impact our son. I locked onto that and told him that was good, to envision our son's face every single time he was having these thoughts to keep him focused on not taking his life.
Unfortunately, in the end, I guess it just wasn't enough, and he was in such pain and turmoil that he felt everyone including him was better off with him gone. Such a sad statement, but it was one he told me of. I tried to envision laying down to wait to die and just couldn't imagine doing that, but at the same time I also imagined how sad he must have felt as all this was happening. For him it was a non-violent way he chose, but for those of us left behind, we had no answers.
I was changed forever over this tragedy, and although I'm an exceptionally strong woman, it affected me to the very core of my being. I had spent 30 years with this man, and could never ever have anticipated it ending like this. Initially I was in "go mode" getting things done that needed to be dealt with which kept me preoccupied, but eventually I had to go there and really think about what had transpired.
Having to tell my son who was just 9 1/2 at the time was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but somehow I was able to to do that. I continued on for quite some time with our business that we shared, but that too eventually had to be closed down.
Was a very trying time for me, full of much emotion but it caused me to start a journey of self development that has become a lifelong love of mine. I'm one to always look for the silver lining in anything that happens in my life, it took a very long time on this one, but I did come up with a few.
Today I am looking forward to creating a new business around my experiences, what I learned from all of this so that I may share my message with others who are stuck in life from a traumatic life experience. I have wanted to write a book for so long, a memoir more or less and have begun to do that now too.
I felt so compelled when all this happened to look clearly as to why it had happened, and why I had been put on this wonderful planet we call Earth. What I've decided is that everything happens for a reason, and my reason is so that I may move forward from this life altering experience and help others do the same, to discover who they really are and what wonderful gifts they have to share with the world. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life purpose is to help others get past their gap, and can't think of a more rewarding experience!
If you know someone who is experiencing depression or other mental health issues, please reach out to them. Hug them, tell them you love them and encourage them to get the help they need. A myth for many is that those who talk about or attempt suicide are not serious about it, that they're just doing it for attention. This is so NOT the truth, it is ALWAYS a cry for help, and never to be ignored. Remember that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem.
I thank you for taking the time to read this emotional post of mine, and I hope that it touches you so that you can be compassionate and help someone you know who is going through troubled times.
I'm blogging in much more detail on this life changing experience dealing with the loss of my husband to suicide on Wordpress. If you're inclined you can read it at: www.AllUCanBe.wordpress.com.
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