Suicide Changes Everything!

Sept. 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and I wanted to do a specific post to honour this most worthy of causes. I'm a fan of the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) on Facebook who in official relations with the World Health Organization (WHO) have put this event together and it's worldwide.

I lost my husband, Rob Dec. 2000 and I can tell you it really does change everything. I was with him almost 30 years, had my whole life wrapped up with him both personally and we also shared a business together. I had no idea that things would turn out this way as he really only started falling apart in mid 2000 after we'd separated but continued working together. Our son was only 9 at the time of his passing, still believed in Santa somewhat but was aware his Dad had committed suicide - pretty strange for sure!

There was so much to do initially that it kept me quite busy, preparing for a memorial service, all the paperwork involved with a death, dealing with police and the coroner because he died on board our boat - it was quite a disaster. This all happened right at Christmas 2000, Rob died either on the 24th or early on the 25th but was not discovered until the 27th. I've done a very extensive blog with my story on Wordpress and go into much more detail as to what was going on before, during and after and if you're so inclined it's www.AllUCanbe.wordpress.com.

What I realized very quickly is that most people are totally freaked out by the term "suicide". It didn't bother me, but I was sensitive enough to read others' body language and quickly learned to say "unfortunately he took his own life" to soften the blow. I had no real prior personal experience with suicide, but knew I'd not had many conversations around the topic either. My family and Rob's family were absolutely shocked even though Rob had been severely depressed for a while and had attempted a few times in Dec. 2000. Even though you're aware attempts have been made, somehow you don't really absorb the severity of it until it is completed and final.

People offered condolences, there was an air of disbelief for those who knew Rob well, they simply couldn't believe he was gone or that he'd end his own life. Many were not aware of how emotionally unstable he'd become, but I was and after his first attempt with a firearm on Dec. 6th, he was institutionalized for several days and was then diagnosed bi-polar. I knew it as manic/depressive but the correct term or most accepted term is bi-polar. This explained so much when I learned the symptoms, the huge mood swings, compulsive buying, promiscuity and much of it because they're trying to recreate that "high" they get when they're manic, but it never can be recreated.

I have learned much since then, learned a lot about bi-polarism, mental health illnesses, institutions, treatments and so forth. There is still huge stigma attached not only to suicide, but also to mental illnesses of any sort. It's such a shame as those who truly need the help are afraid to reach out for fear of being judged, labelled or even ridiculed. Those who take their own lives are in absolute turmoil and unbelievable pain to such an extent that they believe suicide is the only way out. This just makes me so sad to think how much they suffer and what they go through to come to this conclusion. The expression - Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - is something I shared with Rob, told him we'd get through this, that I'd help him, but he just couldn't hold on.

The grieving process for those left behind, suicide survivors is very different than normal grieving. The stigma affects not only those suffering with mental illness, it also extends to the devasted loved ones left behind. The support group whether it be family or friends is usually not comfortable discussing suicide, they'd really rather not discuss it and often times say the wrong thing or even worse - just avoid it altogether - like it never happened.

It is my passion since then to do whatever I can to help bring suicide out of the darkness, to have open dialogue about it and thereby reduce the stigma attached to it all. Along the way, I'm meeting some incredibly strong, resilient, amazing people who have been impacted by suicide. It is a bond that cannot be explained other than to those who have experienced it. We all have different stories, but the commonality of sharing a loss by suicide brings us all together.

The IASP does tremendous work in this area, they are dedicated to preventing suicidal behaviour, alleviating its effects and providing a forum for academics, mental health professionals, crisis workers, volunteers and suicide survivors. Suicide claims approximately 1 million people a year worldwide, or 1 every 40 seconds according to WHO. They say for every 1 suicide that is successful, there are 20 that are not and when you do the math - that's 21 million people per year attempting to and succeeding in ending their lives. On average 4-6 people are directly impacted being friends or family and once again doing the math - that's 126 million people worldwide are impacted by suicide - don't know about you - but for me those are absolutely shocking statistics!

I would ask you to take a moment Sept. 10th at 8pm to light a candle near a window to honour those who have been lost to suicide and for all those still contemplating it. Remember the loved ones left behind, often in complete and utter devastation and unable most times to get any real answers. My heart goes out to each and every one!

Suicide is everyone's concern, it's on the rise in our youth and our elderly. With the present economy being what it is, stress and depression increases and suicide rates increase as well. We can all make a difference, we can reduce the stigma, increase awareness and educate on what to look for and most importantly, save lives.

Here is the IASP link for activites worldwide: www.iasp.info/wspd/2010_wspd_activities.php

Here is the IASP website: www.iasp.info