September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and I'm doing a specific post today to honour and commemorate that. I've decided to focus on the languaging we use around suicide and mental illness. This is something I've been very aware of and conscious of since losing my husband, Rob, to suicide in Dec. 2000. Prior to that, I never really thought about it much or considered the impact some of my words could have on someone who had suffered either a loss of a loved one to suicide, or had mental illness themselves or knew someone that had either of these two examples.
I was amazed at many of the expressions or words that were in my vocabulary, things like "I should just shoot myself, or "bite the bullet", or "nutcase", "loony tunes", "they're retarded" - the list goes on and on. I work with many people who are directly impacted by suicide or mental illness, often both. I would catch myself as the words or expressions escaped my lips and I'd almost instantaneously cringe knowing the person I'd just said that to had lost someone to suicide or had mental illness.
Although I'd lost my husband to suicide and he had initially attempted with a firearm, the words relating to this did not serve as "trigger" (there's another one of those words!) for me, did not bring up any emotional pain. Within the suicide community, the word "trigger" is often used to mean "warning", an example might be a video or song saying "CAUTION MAY BE TRIGGERING". I have friends who have lost someone to suicide by firearm and many of them are extremely sensitive to any type of word that might bring up the pain of their loss. Other times you'll see a scene on TV where they show someone holding a firearm to their head and although not showing the actual use, it is inferred and you know that person took their life with a gun. So many of these examples are common place, whether on TV, newspaper ad, magazine ads, videos or any other format.
Sometimes you really have to wonder whether anyone at the decision making level had any level of comprehension at all to approve some of the things you see. When I do see an instance of inappropriate language, I am now almost compelled to let them know whether it be by a comment, email or phone call. I had one such example this past summer on Facebook. A very well known, well respected, highly successful magazine that had done an article on public speaking compared the nervousness of public speaking to committing suicide. I was appalled such a piece had escaped and been approved, but there it was in all its glory - not only on Facebook but in actual print as well.
I thought about it for a few minutes and wondered whether I should make them aware of their complete insensitivity and poor choice of words. I didn't want to publicly post it on their wall, but I did want to get my point across and make them aware. I looked on their website to see if a contact email could be found, wasn't able to find it, so I did decide to post on their Facebook wall. I was very diplomatic, told them how it was ludicrous that they'd compare the art of public speaking to committing suicide and that I found it inappropriate and assured them the severity and seriousness of someone taking their own lives was in no way comparable to the angst someone may feel before getting up to give a speech. I told them I found their post offensive and that many others would as well.
Two days went by and there was no comment, but many others on that page had "Liked" my post, it had caused some introspection. I was surprised when I suddenly got a message through Facebook from their Editor, apologizing for the use of the suicide comparison, saying they had not even considered that, but would definitely make note of it and keep it in mind for future publications. I was impressed that they'd go to this extent and thanked them for their reply. Within another hour of receiving that message, there was an actual response from the magazine itself assuring me that was not their intention and that they appreciated me bringing it to their attention. It took me all of a few minutes to compose my comment and I had raised their awareness - job done!
When it comes to the media and how they portray suicide, it is extremely upsetting to see how they release all the gory details, how they hound the survivors who are literally reeling from the shock of losing someone to suicide - yet the press still hounds them even in their most private moments and do not give them the respect, dignity or privacy they deserve. Some of the last minutes of their lives on 9-1-1 calls are openly published, again delving into the deepest, darkest hour of despair just for the sake of having the top story. It is absolutely disgusting to me and if there wasn't a market for this type of ghoulish hype, they'd all be out of business. One can only hope ;).
So as today is World Suicide Prevention Day, I ask my readers to please be more aware, more sensitive to others with what they are saying when it comes to the topics of suicide or mental illness. Show a little compassion, let the judgement go, put yourself in their shoes if just for a little while and be conscious of what's coming out of your mouth before it leaves your lips. I know it's not always easy to monitor your thoughts before speaking, but if you make a conscious decision to be more diligent, you'll be surprised yourself at how many things you're saying that could potentially have a very hurtful impact on others. Best to just rid your vocabulary of these types of words which quite often, have a negative connotation anyhow.
I was given an exercise many years ago to put an elastic band on my wrist for one week. Every time I caught myself saying or thinking something negative about myself - negative self talk - I was to snap the elastic hard enough to cause a bit of pain. Initially I was snapping that band a lot! My wrist was getting sore by day's end. I was astonished to realize just how much negative self talk was going on in my head or out of my mouth. By Day 2, I snapped a whole lot less, Day 3 barely at all and by Day 4 I'd made it almost entirely through the entire day without snapping. It sounded like a ridiculous exercise in the beginning, but it proved to be extremely telling and helpful in modifying my own negative self talk. It made me super aware of my thoughts and words in ways I'd never done before. This same exercise could be applied to help you rid yourself of inappropriate, insensitive, hurtful words or expressions when it comes to suicide or mental illness - so why not try it? See what shows up for you!
Please take a moment today, Sept. 10th to remember all those lost to suicide, almost 1 million die each year worldwide by suicide, 1 every 40 seconds. Those left behind are in complete and utter shock, pain and overwhelm, nothing could have prepared them for the journey they're about to embark on. Almost 90% of suicides involve some sort of mental illness, depression being one that is very common. Many will mark this day by lighting a candle at 8pm near a window remembering their loved ones gone, you too could help and commemorate this day this way too.
I am a passionate advocate for suicide prevention, I spend a great deal of time educating others about suicide and mental illness, helping fight the stigma that is very much alive and well even today. I do it because it is my passion - my purpose - and I feel that by telling our own personal stories we can powerfully educate others as to what a tragedy suicide truly is and in many cases, can be prevented. Awareness is more than half the battle, knowing what to look for with a friend or loved one, knowing the signs of depression, getting them the help they so desperately need is how you can help. Get involved, ask them if they're okay, spend some time and really listen and be prepared to not judge if they tell you they are depressed or suicidal. Sometimes all it takes is someone knowing they're not alone, that someone cares - it truly can make a difference. Be aware that discussing suicide will never give them the idea, and another myth is that when someone is talking about suicide - they're not serious. That is totally not true! Take every mention of suicide or not wanting to live seriously. Get them help, take them if you have to to a hospital ER, their doctor, a prevention hotline - don't ignore it.
I'm co-hosting a World Suicide Prevention Day Radio Show online call Sat., Sept. 10th 12noon - 1pm EDT and we've got 3 wonderful speakers from within the suicide prevention community. We'll be discussing teen suicide, military suicide and suicide and prevention in general. If you're free I'd love for you to listen, there is also a recording available.
For more details please check out the Event Page at:http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=243703925668579
You can LISTEN LIVE or LATER to the recording at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/aprilclineradioshow/2011/09/10/suicide-awareness-show
Get involved, learn about suicide, help raise awareness and dispel stigma and help save lives. Suicide is everyone's concern, no one is immune. Be well - be aware!
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